if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
