goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize