Got a toothbrush?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize