thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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