HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
