I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
