Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize