chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
