she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
