so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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