pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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