it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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