Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
