dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need water and some morals
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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