maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
