i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
