I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
