I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
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