you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
