What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
