Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize