I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
