Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize