8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
