hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
