"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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