I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
