Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
