yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
