Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
