i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I smell like Dick and happiness
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
