1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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