that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize