Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
