Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
