It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
