So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
