Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
