I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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