That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
