New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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