Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
