I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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