Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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