Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
