Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
