i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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