if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize