We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
