i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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