Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
