I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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