the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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