Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
