one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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