Sry I called you an 8
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
