people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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