butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
