I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
