I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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