Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
