Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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