A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
