She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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