the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
