Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you didnt know i had herpes?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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