i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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