My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
