I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
