As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have fence marks all over my body
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
