He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
