My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
