I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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