I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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