i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
