We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
