i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
