Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
