even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
