you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
