I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
