tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize