I want to make a zoo with you.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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