Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
