Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My ass is underappreciated
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
